Grandma vs. Grandma
Read about being a mother of 12 as our resident 'Supermom'
shares her wise parenting advice.
I ran into a friend at a used clothing store where I sometimes find
bargains for my kids. I was surprised that she was looking at baby clothes,
knowing that her children were grown. She explained that her grandchildren's
other grandma was very wealthy and bought oodles of clothes for them. She felt
that in order to earn her grandchildren's love, she needed to buy clothes for
them, too.
The other grandma was shelling out
the big bucks
In a gentle tone, I told my friend that used clothes couldn't compete
with the fancy Gap baby clothes for which the other grandma was shelling out
the big bucks. She couldn't help herself and the tears started flowing. I put
my arms around her and did what any self-respecting friend would do: I told her
all the ways in which her grandparenting trumped that of the other grandma.
Being available is more important than clothes from
Baby Gap
The other grandma lives across the ocean, thousands of miles away,
whereas my friend lives right down the street from her grandkids. She's always
available to the grandkids as a refuge when mom and dad aren't so pleased with
them, when they need a quiet place to study, or when they just want a bit of
attention. My friend is talented with a crochet hook and makes the kids
beautiful sweaters and blankets. I didn't have to fake my appreciation of her
qualities. I do think that being available is more important than clothes from
Baby Gap, as is something made by hand, with love.
All things considered, however, I wonder if her grandchildren appreciate
the less commercial traits of my friend's grandparenting style. I thought about
my own kids' relationship to their two grandmothers. My mother is practical, my
husband's mother extravagant. It is natural that my kids enjoy my mother
in-law's gifts more than those of my mother. I have to confess that this
inspires a bit of jealousy on my part, and I find myself plugging my mother to
the kids quite often.
I do think we need to teach children that store bought gifts cannot
compete with time, attention, or love. I think the best way we can teach this
to our children is to have them give their time to good causes. Perhaps they
can visit a bedridden neighbor and offer to take out her garbage. Or, they can
offer to play with the neighbor's toddler so the mother can nurse her new infant
in peace.
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